An Obliteration of Childhood

Five hard truths about the unintentional obliteration of childhood

childhood
Image courtesy of Poulsen Photo at FreeDigitalPhotos.net

I recently overheard a conversation between two young mothers. One of them was complaining about the day care her three yr old attends. Her complaint? They play and do art projects all day, instead  of teaching the kids their letters and numbers.

I was taken aback. What exactly is wrong with that? That sounds like the perfect day for a child that age. But then she got down to the crux of the issue- the parents at that daycare expect their children- their very young children- to receive school-type lessons at this facility.

Which got me thinking…aren’t we parents the ones who notoriously lament how children grow up too fast? Perhaps we need to take a closer look at the issue and explore why this is.

Five Hard Truths about the Unintentional Obliteration of Childhood

We school our children too early. Everywhere you turn, you will hear people talking about the importance of Early Childhood Education, but just how important is it? Is it really necessary that children as young as three should be expected to sit down at a desk for several hours a day tracing letters and numbers? I don’t know about your children, but mine copy letters and words off of books, their siblings’ papers, and anything else they lay their eyes on without any prompting from me. They think it’s fun! In fact, my now six-year-old learned basic addition and several sight words at the age of four simply by being around the older children when they were doing their school work.

I realize that many preschools and Kindergarten classes do include fun hands-on learning activities, but, again, is it really necessary for this to happen in a classroom setting? Young children are superstars when it comes to investigating and exploring the world. As John Holt used to say, children are natural scientists. They do perfectly well at learning about the world when they are given the time, freedom, and opportunity to do so. If there is any way to quash their fascination with the world and their innocent wonder, it is by sending them to school where, instead of finding interesting things to do themselves, they begin to be told by someone else (presumably the teacher) what is important to know about. This eventually results in children who are apathetic, lethargic, and lack imagination because they, in essence, forget how to play and are used to doing nothing but sitting all day.

 

We overschedule our childrenAs if it isn’t bad enough for them to be shut inside a building for six hours a day, many children participate in after-school activities at the schools themselves, or they are kept busy with organized sports or other various engagements. Obviously, extracurriculars can be a good thing. It is when they get to the point of taking over your child’s life that it is time to take a step back and rethink things.

Schools are very good at organizing after-school programs, and many of them are wonderful, but again- how much is too much? Students are in school for a mandatory six to seven hours a day, and yet, many parents sign them up for these clubs and activities which will keep them confined in the school building even longer.

Let me be clear that I do not have a holier-than-thou attitude of someone who has never been there. When my kids were in school, I was one of the parents who signed my children up for every single activity I could because I thought it would be good for them. It wasn’t. It resulted in kids who no longer had time to be kids.

Studies show that children today are beginning to feel the same effects of anxiety as adults because of this culture of being able to “do it all.” Is it really worth it?

 

The peer influences in school are less than desirable. No matter how you raise your children, in school they are going to be around other children from homes with different moral standings than you. You may be able to shut off the cable at home, but I assure you that at school they will be exposed to everything you try to protect them from. They will see girls in short skirts who idolize the likes of Beyonce and Katy Perry. They will be around boys who, in their quest to be “grown-up,” will introduce your children to words and concepts their young ears are not prepared to hear. And if your child shows any signs of vulnerability or innocence, they may well be singled out and teased for upholding the standards you’ve tried so hard to teach them.

I recently had to stop allowing my children to play alone with a sixth grade neighbor boy who asked my fourth grade daughter if she wanted to “make out.” Kidding or not, these are NOT the influences I want my children to have. There will be plenty of time for them to deal with these issues when they are older. Right now, my hope for them is to allow them to enjoy being children.

 

-And don’t even get me started on technology! I get it. Technology is a wonderful thing, but is it really necessary for five- and six- year old children to own their own cell phones? I do let my younger children each have a one hour turn on my phone on the weekends, and even that often takes them away from opportunities to play outside or with friends.

I can’t count the number of times I’ve gone to a party or picnic where all of the kids sat in the house with their heads buried in their phones or tablets the entire time. Just last week my kids came home from a neighbor’s house and told me that the entire time they were in his yard jumping on the trampoline, he was in his house playing on his tablet.

Technology may be great for the economy, but it steals away childhood merriment and replaces them with inanimate pixels.

 

Sometimes we are as much to blame as anyone or anything elseHow many times have we scolded our children for simply doing childish things? Things that weren’t necessarily bad but, maybe, were loud or were interrupting our quiet time? By no means am I advocating to let children run wild. I’m simply pointing out (to myself as much as everyone else) that sometimes we have unrealistic expectations.

By the same token, how many times have we told our daughters that they might look nicer with just a little makeup? Or tried to push a more mature looking outfit on them? My daughter’s friend’s mother regularly buys her push-up bras and crop tops. I’m not suggesting anyone reading this might go that far, but it’s a great illustration in how far parents will go to “help their children mature.” Is it really so terrible if our daughters continue to play with dolls throughout middle school, or our sons are fascinated with Pokemon cards, instead of cars?

And is it reasonable to expect our preschoolers to play quietly all day with nary a shriek or whimper? Is it really so bad to have a house that may be noisy but is noisy with joyful laughter?  One thing that I need to remind myself (and my husband) of daily is that our children are children- not little adults.

 

If there is anything at all you take away from this post, let it be this:

Hold your children close. Cherish them. Protect them. Guide them. And most of all- don’t rush them into adulthood. It will come too quickly without your help.

 

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Author: Shelly Sangrey

I'm Shelly, a Christ-following, homeschooling Mom of eleven children ( okay, not ALL children. My oldest is 23.) I met my husband right after graduation, and we've been together ever since. Though my life can be hectic at times... okay, ALL the time, I wouldn't change it for anything.

30 thoughts on “An Obliteration of Childhood”

  1. Amen! We do school our children too early in this country and I wish I had realized that before I sent mine off to Kindergarten (although it wasn’t as bad then as it is now, thankfully). All I know is that it didn’t FEEL natural and now I know why! It’s NOT natural! Young children learn best through play and exploration and they succeed best in the natural world setting. When I pulled my fourth/last child out of what was supposed to be his Kindergarten year he was so burned out and miserable from his six-hour rigid school days. I actually followed my heart and my instincts for the first time education-wise and allowed him to take the lead. I know that he learned more through play and nature exploration than he ever would have in any classroom setting. More importantly, he retained his love for learning which the system was killing. Before long, he was reading, writing and knew basic math, all without lectures, worksheets and textbooks. It was such a natural process and taught me that our education system has made so many of us believe that learning has to start early and be formal when that is simply not the truth. Also, I value teachers. I really do. BUT most parents are just as capable (and have the advantage) of teaching their own children, especially through the elementary years, as a teacher with a degree.

    Liked by 2 people

  2. As a retired school teacher of primary-aged children and now a tutor to these children in public school who are besieged with test-after-test, and then to find out that they have taken away recesses after the first grade where I live, I am appalled at the pressure on these kids. I am truly saddened by the state of our educational systems. A three year old ought to be playing and cutting paper and ‘drawing’ and all those things the woman was fired for. And so should 4 and 5 year olds!!
    Thank you for placing these things on paper for more to read and possibly grasp the reality of what we are doing to children.

    Liked by 3 people

    1. I truly appreciate having someone from a teaching background who agrees with me on this. Our school district doesn’t have recess for any grades, and, like you said, everything they do now focuses on nothing but test prep. Although we homeschool, we still used to attend a monthly evening reading for fun program because my kids really enjoyed it. We stopped going for about a year, and upun return, we found out that it had been turned into just another disguised form of test prep. In fact, the name changed from Book Blast to Reading Comprehension Night, so at least they’re not trying to hide it anymore. It is so sad. Anyway, thank you for reading and commenting!

      Liked by 1 person

  3. I love it that my 12 year old still believes in Santa and all that; sure it’s considered “immature” but I’m not in a hurry for my kids to grow up. He still spend 75% of his day playing outside with toys and I just love that.

    Liked by 3 people

  4. This post made me feel really sad. I hat to hear kids who are robbed of play. I feel like most schools are legalized tortue chambers. Sorry for the harsh words but I am against school.
    I will point out, my girls do go to traditional schools. I will not write why, but when they are home, I try my best to involve them with as much play as possible.
    The sad truth, our society has taken a really bad turn when it comes to our kids.

    Liked by 2 people

  5. This is such a fantastic post! I’m sharing it across social media. I completely agree that children are expected to grow up far too fast.

    Liked by 2 people

  6. I love the name of your website. The name of mine is Welcome Home Ministry. I did think of “There’s No Place Like Home” however. I love this post. I agree with so much that you’ve said and I must begin to limit the amount of device time my girls get on the weekend. Thanks so much for sharing your heart here.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. My kids are not happy that I limit their time on devices, but it’s for their own good. My kids are only allowed on their devices on Fridays (after school work is completed), Saturdays, and Sundays, usually for one hour each. Sometimes if it’s not so nice outside I’ll extend it. And I love the name of your blog, too! I’ll check it out later this evening when it’s not so crazy here!

      Liked by 1 person

  7. Oh my gosh, thank you so much for saying this, especially about early childhood education and technology! I am simply blown away that people will by their young children iphones. What is that? What on earth could a young child need with one? My oldest, who is now 22, didn’t have Any Kind of cell phone until he was 16 and I wanted to be certain he could reach help if he had an accident while driving. And it certainly was not a smart phone. He didn’t get one of those until he could purchase it himself!

    Liked by 2 people

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