The past few decades, an insidious lie has been repeated over and over again to women in our society- You can have it all!
I don’t know when this falsehood started, or why, but I’m pretty sure it began somewhere in the 1970s when women, en masse, decided to forego homemaking in order to work outside the home.
Don’t worry. This is not going to be a diatribe against working women. I myself have worked outside the home off and on, and, because of that, I know how hard it is.
I get it.
Unfortunately, in order to encourage women in their employment endeavors, it’s become rather commonplace to hear people insinuate that it is entirely possible for women to have full time jobs, an immaculate house, plenty of family time, and, in many cases, to be able to homeschool on top of it.
I’m not here to tell you not to do any of these things. What I am going to say is this:
Something’s gotta give.
“Having it all” is nothing but an illusion. No matter how hard you try, there is no such thing as a picture perfect life, a successful job, a spotless house, and the perfect family.
And you know what? It’s okay.
What it comes down to is recognizing those areas that are the most important to you, focusing on those, and learning to let go of the illusion of perfection and doing your darndest to get everything done with a smile on your face. Because no matter what you choose, compromise will have to be the name of the game.
Dreaming of being a stay-at-home mom?
As long as you don’t overschedule your days, time with the family will never be an issue. However, some issues that may arise are:
- learning to live on one income (It can be done!)
- alone time
- feeling guilty because you “don’t work” (Boy, is that a lie!)
Feeling led to homeschool your kids?
As rewarding as this lifestyle is, I am going to admit that it can be exhausting. There is no better feeling than learning alongside your kids, but there will have to be lots of compromises, such as:
- keeping a clean house (You can try, but remember that your kids are home with you all day, and it’s not a museum!)
- feeling as if you’re constantly going all day (I practically collapse into bed every night.)
- never being able to use the bathroom alone again…
Striving for the picture perfect house?
I love looking through magazines like “Better Homes and Gardens.” Realistically, I know my house will never be like the ones featured there. If this is what you truly want, here are the areas that may have to be put on the backburner:
- working full time (Unless you have a ton of energy, in which case I say, “Where can I get some?”)
- quality time with the kids (If you spend all your free time cleaning, there won’t be much time for playing, will there?)
- being able to comfortably homeschool (Homeschooling is messy business!)
Yearning to earn an income?
Whether you work outside the home or work from home, having it all will likely seem like a shot in the dark. Here are the areas you may have some difficulty in:
- finding time and having the energy for household tasks like cooking and cleaning
- fitting in family time (This is especially hard if your kids are in school.)
- feeling guilty for not being home more
So what’s my point?
I think that, out of everyone in the world, we women are the ones who come down hardest on ourselves when we don’t live up to the expectations we’ve learned from society.
Having it all isn’t even something that should be on our radar. It’s about time that we accept our own limitations and do our best to be the greatest wives, moms, and women we can be. It’s about using the gifts we do have to honor God, live out His will, and love our families.
Because, in the end, “having it all” isn’t what will matter most. What will matter most will be where your heart was throughout not just your victories, but through your struggles.
I always wanted to be a stay-at-home mom but it still took me a while to stop saying, “I’m just a stay-at-home-mom” when people asked me what I do. Motherhood is such a blessing and a lot of selfless work. As far as a perfect house, making memories with my kids is more important to me and I finally stopped apologizing for the clutter when guests came over.
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Unfortunately, I still apologize for the clutter. I really need to reach that place where I’m completely comfortable with it!
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Thanks for sharing. My wife and I have been having to deal with the concept that we can’t have it all, though not necessarily in the context you’re using. Thankfully my wife is happy to work as a mother, but there are so many things we want to do but can’t find the time or resources to do.
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Yes, I absolutely know the feeling!
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This is so true. I couldn’t agree with you more! There are decisions to be made and consequences for those decisions. Some good. Some bad. Thanks for tackling this topic! It’s important for us to have this realization when we choose to homeschool so that we don’t become completely overwhelmed trying to do it all.
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I think it’s something we all need to be more open about in order to encourage each other!
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Very true! I find I can focus really well on one or two things but the rest have got to slide… I just to keep rotating what I keep my focus on so it’s all getting done pretty well some of the time.
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Rotating your focus is a great idea.
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So true! Moms these days end up making hard choices. Sticking to them and making it work means that you have to accept your limitations and do what’s best for you.
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Yes, it is so important for us to realize that everyone has limits!
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Thank you Shelly!! Having it all is a total lie!! Thank you for stating that fact!! God designed to take care of our families, and homes. That is having it all!! Money is not ALL. Consumerism has driven so many of us crazy!!
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Yes, it has!
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This is so hard for me, because I truly want to have it all. But, you are right. Some things have to give.
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Having 11 kids has really helped me come to terms with this a lot faster than some. 🙂
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I imagine it has. 😉
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I’ve been the working mom and the stay at home mom and I completely agree with you. I think it’s much harder to be a working mom, though. You are never fully present whether you’re at home or at work, and I always felt like I was failing terribly at both. I’m cut out to be a SAHM!
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I definitely think I am, too!
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I don’t even homeschool and this is so true! I work from home and constantly feel the battle!
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Ugh, don’t we all? Thanks for visiting!
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Totally agree! I’m a stay at home mom, but there is no such thing as alone time. It’s also hard for my husband to help me fill my cup when his is empty too.
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Great point!
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It’s hard living on one tiny income, but so totally worth it! And the messy house? Easy for me to ignore, since I know I have such a brief time to enjoy this period of life with my little one! Thanks for sharing this with us at #FridayFrivolity this week!
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That is a great way to look at it!
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